The Doctor is In!


By Carrie on Nov 15, 2010 at 2:40 PM

I am only able to reach an orgasm with self stimulation only. Have never been able to with just sex alone. Uggg how can I make sex feel like my own self stimulation to have an orgasm through sex alone. My husband is very willing to do what ever to make me happy and doesnt mind I

self stimulate but I would just like to have an orgasm through all his hard efforts for once.

7 replies

Madeleine Castellanos, M.D. | Nov 15, 2010 at 9:07 PM | Reply | Report

Most women don't have orgasms without clitoral stimulation. If you know what kind of stimulation helps you reach orgasm, then you can incorporate it into intercourse. Some women can still self-stimulate during vaginal penetration, or their partners can stimulate the woman's clitoris with their hand.

An alternative to this would be to find positions that provide clitoral stimulation during vaginal penetration. When the woman is on top, she can angle her hips to be able to 'grind' against her partner's pubic bone. This rhythmic movement with pressure often allows women to orgasm during penile-vaginal penetration. There is also the coital alignment technique which is a variation on the missionary position. In this position, a man slides his body forward so that the shaft of his erection is pushing against the woman's clitoris. Then, instead of moving in and out, his movements are more forward and back so that there is rhythmic rubbing of the clitoris with the shaft of his erection.

Gail Saltz, M.D. | Nov 18, 2010 at 9:03 AM | Reply | Report

If you know what works for you, then you need to show your husband how to replicate that same stimulation with his hand or mouth. Have a session of mutual masturbation where you guide his hand to show exactly what works. Then this can be translated by him during intercourse.

Anna Potter | Nov 18, 2010 at 11:04 AM | Reply | Report

Carrie, you're not alone, you're not weird, and you're not dysfunctional. You're also not in the minority. Most women don't orgasm from vaginal sex alone--I know I don't! This may be something that you'll want to do in steps--it's hard to replicate what we do to ourselves, when we add a partner and a whole other body into the mix. Try masturbating and orgasming with your partner there, and then having sex--chances are you'll be more likely to orgasm this way since you've already gotten yourself up the orgasmic peak, so to speak. Use your hands, have your husband use his hands, and focus on yourself--but don't think about it too hard, and don't get frustrated! Nothing slams on the orgasm brakes like being worried or upset during sex.

Funtonight | Dec 4, 2010 at 2:47 AM | Reply | Report

Try doing it "doggies style" with his legs on the outside of yours. Having your legs together as he takes you from behind will increase your sensation, and leave your hands free for a "self-assist". In this way you can both cum at the same time without demanding too much from him, and while simultaneously getting what you need.

smj | Dec 5, 2010 at 12:20 AM | Reply | Report

My husband and I use a "cockring" It's AMAZING!!! He puts it on before he enters me and it has a vibrator on it that works wonders!!! I WOULD RUN OUT ASAP and get it. . .plus I think it makes him harder, and lasts longer. . I think?!?
Anther position that works great is if he goes in from "doggie style" but you lay down. Have him go slow. . .this was how I expereinced my first orgasm from just intercourse. . it was mind blowing! I also like to use a small little vibrator when we are having sex. . .works wonders for me, plus he loves it when I run it up and down the back part of his penis near the base. Best Trick EVER!

Logan Levkoff, Ph.D. | Dec 5, 2010 at 7:56 PM | Reply | Report

Women and men just aren't built the same...which is hard to get past, because so much of what we learn about sex comes from a male perspective (like having regular orgasms from sex). Most of us cannot do this, and it's not a bad thing. We're just different. The earlier suggestions about incorporating vibrators and positions that allow for clitoral stimulation are great. And if you have a supportive and encouraging partner -- that makes all of this so much better!

TheGiftofPleasure | Apr 29, 2015 at 12:44 AM | Reply | Report

All the answers you have gotten are great. There is no need to feel you should have an orgasm through vaginal intercourse. However, if its important to you, there are specific sex toys you can try that can give you the clitoral stimulation you (and as you have learned the majority of women) need. I have a blog post on a couple.

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