The Doctor is In!

Orgasm During Masturbation...

By jen on Nov 16, 2010 at 2:44 PM

I have never been able to achieve an orgasm through masturbation. I usually always achieve orgasm through sexual penetration...not clitoral, oral or manual. Any advice on how to achieve this?

7 replies

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Kristen Mark, Ph.D. | Nov 16, 2010 at 5:22 PM | Reply | Report

Just a thought, but I wonder if this has anything to do with an idea that many of us were instilled with at a young age. Many of us (especially women) were told sex is an intimate act with only one person that we are in love with...therefore blocking the orgasm in any other setting outside of partnered penetration.

I will say, you present the opposite problem from what we hear from most women. This is likely a good thing because it is usually hardest to orgasm during penetration alone. Do you ever orgasm during clitoral stimulation at the same time as penetration? How about clitoral stimulation from your partner?

Also, are you comfortable with your body and with your genitals? This could be playing a role here as well.

The fact that you have achieved orgasm with your partner tells me that you can certainly achieve this - can you give a little more info on what you've tried so we can be of more help?

jen | Nov 17, 2010 at 7:55 PM | Reply | Report

Thank You SO much for the advice .. First of all, I think you are correct about the view instilled in us at a young age. My parents never discussed sex with us (i have 2 sisters) and we were always made to think it was ... wrong.

I have tried to liberate myself from those beliefs, but that may be a big part of it.

I have achieved clitoral orgasm only a couple times through manual stimulation by my partner and also both clitoral and penetration together.

I feel like I am very comfortable with myself now. There was a long period where I was not.

The big problem is that the it is so easy for my to orgasm during penetration ... Honestly, it is usually within 3 minutes! and it is really strong. The clitoral orgasm was not nearly as strong. The only reason this is a problem is because I am single now. I don't have a steady bf and I don't want to sleep around so .. it makes it difficult.

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Belisa Vranich | Nov 17, 2010 at 11:12 AM | Reply | Report

A good stepping stone to be able to masturbate is that your partner stimulate you vaginally, but with a vibrator. It is still penis to vagina, and technically he is holding the penis, but it is a step away from you needing to depend on him (and specifically his penis) to orgasm.

jen | Nov 17, 2010 at 8:02 PM | Reply | Report

Thank you so much for the advice! I think that is a great idea. I will definitely try it ..

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Madeleine Castellanos, M.D. | Nov 17, 2010 at 4:08 PM | Reply | Report

Masturbation involves some exploration, as well as some trial and error. Sometimes women start off very quickly or ambitiously and actually make it difficult for themselves to orgasm because they make themselves numb. If this is the case for you, it would benefit you to start off slowly and don't put too much pressure until you feel you are very close to the edge. Think about 'tickling' rather than diving right in - as you would get if you were straddling a pool jet or a hand-held shower massager.

schweineloeffel | Feb 28, 2015 at 6:34 PM | Reply | Report

Wow, I almost cried reading this post. I'm a 32 year old female with almost the exact same problem, which is still unresolved. I've spent years searching the internet and this is the only reference to my problem that I've ever found. I've had a very high sex drive from a young age but started actually masturbating at 14. My entire life my arousal has caused me to feel an intense need to get something inside me. So when I started masturbating I used a dildo and hesitantly explored penetration to satisfy this urge. I was almost immediately very orgasmic this way so I kept doing it. When I began having sex with a male partner at 17 I was able to orgasm the second time I had penile-vaginal intercourse. I tend to orgasm faster through penetrative sex than my any of my partners which is a little problematic now because my husband is older and slower to climax. I've recently begun masturbating through clitoral stimulation alone but it takes over an hour to orgasm! It's so frustrating!

Pegasus | Mar 3, 2015 at 10:14 PM | Reply | Report

I would think multi orgasm with toy or partner would solve this issue.

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