The Doctor is In!

Masturbation Over Intercourse?

By little italy on Mar 28, 2011 at 11:04 AM

Why would a man prefer to masturbate all the time instead of having sexual intercourse?

25 replies

Madeleine Castellanos, M.D. | Mar 28, 2011 at 9:52 PM | Reply | Report

Ease, less effort, quicker, more direct stimulation, fewer distractions, less risk of disappointment, no availability of partner, less physical exertion, no risk of rejection, 100% attention on him, bored, no judging from others, no conversation required......

Paul | Mar 29, 2011 at 10:32 AM | Reply | Report

You raise a lot of good points. Maybe I need to reconsider my preference for sex. :-)

Anna Potter | Mar 30, 2011 at 8:09 AM | Reply | Report


know155 | Mar 29, 2011 at 10:20 PM | Reply | Report

Good question! I have been married for 15 years and my husband would rather masturbate than have sex with me.

Joe Bibby | Apr 9, 2011 at 9:01 PM | Reply | Report

Have you let yourself go or something? I can't imagine that.

sdjddj | Apr 18, 2011 at 5:38 PM | Reply | Report

Are you serious? It's her fault because she let herself go?! My husband loves me if I'm a size 2 or a size 22. Maybe it's him that has let himself go. How shallow!!

Dr.Phil | Mar 29, 2011 at 11:42 PM | Reply | Report

I think the two main reasons men masturbate would be: availability of pleasure and control. The first part I mentioned, availability of pleasure, means that he is able to do it whenever he feels like it. Men don't experience very much availability of pleasure in a relationship because the time that a man is in the mood for sex may not be the same time a woman is in the mood. The second part, control, refers to the man being able to control what he looks at and the speed/grip of his self pleasure. With masturbation, a man is able to get pleasure by watching a variety of sexual acts with a variety of women and can throw in some of his own imagination into the mix.

Paul | Mar 30, 2011 at 10:26 AM | Reply | Report

On a more serious note...for me the sensation of having a woman touch me by far exceeds the sensation of touching myself. Given a choice between sex with a woman and masturbating I would choose the woman every time.

I have to think a man who prefers masturbation over sex does so because it requires less effort. He can concentrate fully on his own fantasies and pleasure without having to concern himself with his partner. This may be due to fears about his virility (real or perceived), negative patterns with his partner that make him decide it's not worth it, or simply laziness.

Deb51 | Mar 30, 2011 at 2:03 PM | Reply | Report

So, I guess what your saying is that it's more enjoyable to masterbate? I asked my hubby and he said there is something about intercourse that makes you feel more satisfied,and he also thinks it might even be a chemical thing. So I think if someone is in a relationship and all they want to do is masturbate....why be in a relationship? I am not going to be anyone's maid or housekeeper!

biznik | Nov 8, 2016 at 6:59 AM | Reply | Report

For me, I basically have to beg for sex from my wife. When she finally agrees it has to be a quickie. Feels like I'm some dog in heat and very unenjoyable. I have learned to enjoy and appreciate my self time. I'm actually started to enjoy it more than sex with my wife.

Cajun | Mar 31, 2011 at 6:37 PM | Reply | Report

Most men prefer it because it's easy and less time consuming that's asking or begging for sex! Especially if they are married! Much easier than dealing with rejection from the wife!

Kim | May 21, 2015 at 5:26 PM | Reply | Report

I understand that it's easier but what if I want sex far more than he does. Is a marriage doomed I'd he prefers his own pleasures than being intimate with me?

Loriann | Jun 15, 2015 at 1:36 PM | Reply | Report

My partner prefers masturbation. Until recently he had a porn addiction as well. I'm not talking about once in a while, more like daily. He does not have ED. He does not ejaculate prematurely. Everything works fine. He simply prefers his own company. For me, I am very sexual. I will play out fantasies, role play whatever! I love sex and I miss the intimacy. For me, sex is a huge part of a relationship. This is killing me and us. I'm at a loss. I've tried everything. I would hate to lose someone for this one reason but it's a huge reason in my book!

Kmarie0924 | Nov 29, 2015 at 1:17 AM | Reply | Report

That's my issue with my husband... We haven't had sex in months because he'd rather watch porn... We've only been married for about a year too...

Michael | Jun 24, 2015 at 8:20 PM | Reply | Report

Your partner is a mama's boy who jacks off and is a self centered little jerk.Correct me if i'm wrong but a man who prefers his hand over pussy is just lazy. Yes we all do it but not when your significant other is in the mood to fuck. Find someone else, do it now. don't worry about him he can go in the shower and whack off. Hey girl wake up.

Mel | Jul 24, 2015 at 8:10 AM | Reply | Report

My husband told me yesterday that there is days he would rather jack off instead of have sex with me. I just don't understand. I am always willing to have sex when he wants. I have never turned him down and I love sex. I would go at it 3 or more times a day if he wanted. I role play, let him tie me up, handcuff me, gag me, whatever he pleases as long as it is not past my hard limits. I know sometimes he is going to masturbate if I am not home and he is in the mood (that don't bother me at all) but what I don't understand is if I am home why would he rather do it instead of having sex?

over 65 | Oct 18, 2015 at 11:15 PM | Reply | Report

That is exactly how I feel. Even worse I feel like I'm living with my brother. I've tried everything. Married over 30 years. We did do things together. We just stopped over the years. I've sided deals. I go to his but he doesn't go to mine and if he did he would embarrass me. So stopped that. Still go to his though. He likes to sleep on the couch so he can watch TV controlling the remote to watch sports. I have my own TV in the bedroom. Don't eat together also. Everything else very pleasant. Friday nights we have sex. I've done, wigs, sexy clothes, toys, blindfold, everything. He now ends it with self masturbation after we've done foreplay. He has also been watching porn on TV and probably masturbating. Any suggestions? I'm a attractive woman over 65 but looks 20 years younger. I hate this. No hugging, holding hands only sex on Friday. Financially I am unable to leave. We are friends, married. I've brought it up over the years several times.

lynn | Nov 18, 2015 at 10:22 PM | Reply | Report

My husband and I have only been married for 2 years and are in our late 20's with our first child, a now 6 month old girl, at home. He works extreme hours, 12-14+ hours a day and is often "too" tired for sex. I stay at home with our little one and am in desperate need for some adult contact. ANY! i ask him to talk to me more, touch me more (even just hand holding and hugging), and of course, for sex. We have had sex only 2 times since my 6 month old has been born and only once while i was pregnant. I beg him for sex all the time and nothing. I looked at his browser history on his phone while he slept and saw that he masterbates every single night before bed! while im busy taking care of our little girl, practically all by myself, he refuses to have sex with me but still watches porn and services himself on the regulat. I don't know what to do. i'm desperate.

KadyMeLady | Feb 22, 2016 at 8:29 PM | Reply | Report

I'm having the exact same problem with my husband as well he keeps making excuses as to why we're not being intimate. I'm so frustrated with him months will go by without us being sexual. One time he came home & I was in the shower talking outloud to our Dear Lord Above about my problems & frustrations (from not being sexual) with my husband so on & so forth so he used it as an excuse. Then one time he said it was because we had fought about it & he's the one that turns things into a fight, anytime I mention my feelings he starts a fight. I even found where he joined a milf site just to look at other mens wives.
I told him if he would stop the jacking off to porn he would more than likely have a desire to be intimate with me but he swears porn has nothing to do with it. BS

Andy | Dec 30, 2016 at 5:50 AM | Reply | Report

I am currently married and even though I love my wife prefer masturbating even though we have sex.I won't get frustrated if we were living a sexless marriage.Sex isn't what brings us close.I can do without it.Some men have difficulty getting an erection when it comes to sex but not masturbation so don't blame it on the porn.

merton | Mar 11, 2016 at 10:30 PM | Reply | Report

As a man, I'm really surprised how many men prefer solo sex to the woman they chose. If I couldn't stand sex w/ a particular woman, I would get out of the relationship.

millytusky | Apr 2, 2016 at 6:08 AM | Reply | Report

It has happened to me with a guy that I've been dating for about 6 months. Now I can imagine how the future is gonna look like

Andy | Dec 30, 2016 at 5:38 AM | Reply | Report

To me sex isn't that important in a relationship.We don't need sex to bring us close.Other things bring us close.To me all it does is gives a good feeling like masturbating.

Andy | Jun 4, 2016 at 7:10 AM | Reply | Report

I am a married man and prefer masturbation over sex and it's not ruining my relationship with my wife.There are other things more important than sex.I have had my issues with performance anxiety since I was 29.When it came to masturbation it was no problem getting an erection but when it came to sex couldn't get an erection, semi-erection or lose my erection.When I can't get an erection I use a strap on,I perform oral sex on my wife, I use pills or she use her vibrator so sex for us isn't a big issue.

Don't be surprise there are some women who also prefer masturbation over sex.

candle86 | Jan 21, 2017 at 6:42 AM | Reply | Report

I am married very happy with a two year old son. I study every night as I'm doing dual diploma to better our income. I have asked my wife if she is in the mood so many times a I get a casual yea or more often no so I masturbate. I would have sex with her every day if I was able to but every time I ask or approach the subject I get the cold shoulder. as far as I look at it I'm doing her and a relationship a favour as it takes all the sexual tension off us and places it on me. she can watch movies all night and I will improve our family. if she wants sex she can ask for it as I tell her I think she looks sexy most days and nights before she goes to bed

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