The Doctor is In!

Masturbation in front of your partner?

By Frosty on Jan 29, 2012 at 2:56 AM

My boyfriend would like for me to masturbate in front of him during one of our intimate evenings together. OK, this may sound strange, but I have never masturbated...never had the desire to. Even when I went 4 years without sex in my life. I haven't ever used a sex toy of any kind either. He knows what I have gone through in my life, including the sexual mistreatment I have endured in the past and he has been an awesome, caring,unselfish and loving partner. He has helped me get through the fears I have had when it comes to sex and love. But on this one, I feel lost and nervous. Why is that? He isn't asking me to do something really outrageous..or super kinky...please help me. Thank you.

2 replies

Carmen | Jan 29, 2012 at 1:34 PM | Reply | Report

Learn to masturbate, but do it for yourself, not for someone else. Go to Dodson and Ross to educate yourself on the topic. Mutual masturbation is a great part of partner sex, but you have to be comfortable with yourself before you try sharing that with a partner. Especially, don't be goal oriented when with your partner, i.e., don't try to insist on making yourself orgasm with an audience. You have to work up to that gradually.

Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT | Feb 1, 2012 at 9:43 AM | Reply | Report

I think you should tell him you're not ready for this, but to ask you again in a few months. In the mean time, I think you should purchase a vibrator and slowly ease into enjoying your own sexuality. And then perhaps you can take small steps like mutual masturbation, or holding your hand over his and showing him what feels good. He sounds like a loving, understanding guy and I'm sure he wants you to be comfortable. On the other hand, this could be an activity you build up to. And there are plenty of people without any history of abuse who also get shy about masturbating in front of a partner.

Add a Reply