The Doctor is In!

Husband only wants sex once every 3 months

By Lonely Girl on Mar 30, 2013 at 3:37 PM

We've been married for five years. We used to have sex twice

a week during the first couple of months, which turned into once

a week (which was, according to him, a more "normal" routine

according to 'statistics' he found on the Internet) shortly after.

Needless to say, i am not happy with his one sided arrangement.

We are currently having sex once every three/four months. I've tried

asking him to go to counseling together, but I really think he

prefers to get drunk rather than have sex with me. Any advice?

He is 41 and I'm 44...still too young to act like we've been

married for 50 years.

4 replies

Jansel620 | Apr 10, 2013 at 4:52 PM | Reply | Report

Not to be mean, but welcome to the nightmare of many men :( I dont go 3 months but after a couple weeks I start to get bitter about it myself, at which point I have to show my anger to get the attention I need.

I have a friend that has recommended that I just find out what she wants/needs and make sure it doesnt get done (excluding kids needs of course). The idea is to show the other party what it feels like to not get what you need/want. He had to go this route with his wife and said it wasnt easy to stay the course. But eventually the light bulb came on for his wife and she figured out it was easier to make him happy and enjoy it herself than try to use it against him.

I personally am going the counseling route first before I try such drastic measures.

Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT | Apr 19, 2013 at 9:12 AM | Reply | Report

I understand your frustration. It sounds like he may have an alcohol problem, which would impair sexual desire and function. I think it's normal for a lot of couples to hit a stand-still in their sex lives. There are lots of reason that ruts occur, and the longer you go the harder it is to get into a regular routine of connecting intimately. Look beyond the sex to other aspects of your relationship. Are you having fun together? Are you still attracted to each other? Do you find a way to rise above the stress and anxiety of daily life as a couple?

Lonely Girl | Apr 25, 2013 at 9:27 PM | Reply | Report

He does have an alcohol problem but refuses to get help from a professional or go to AA meetings. I tried to look beyond the sex and tried to get him involved in other activities we can do together like learn to play the guitar, go horseback riding or even take walks together, but it's been a waste of time and energy. He simply prefers to stay at home, have 'a few' beers and watch tv. The worse part is that he refuses to discuss any type of issue that has to do with my discontent in our relationship because it makes him uncomfortable. It is quite sad for me to see him wasting his life when there are so many other things he can be doing with it. He tells me that he still finds me attractive, but that's as far as it goes. I no longer feel like his wife, but rather his roommate. The desire I used to feel for him is gone and has been replaced by the idea that I now need to take care of a sick man. This is not what I expected.

DarthRaider | Aug 8, 2013 at 9:12 AM | Reply | Report

Lack of sex drive is a symptom of alcoholism and depression. It could be a number of things, he should seek counseling.

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