The Doctor is In!

boyfriend seems to dislike sex

By abby on Mar 18, 2017 at 9:38 PM

the man im with obviously finds me attractive, always compliments me, touches me, always kisses and holds me, but when times heat up he only enjoys fingering me it seems. when it comes to sex (we've done it twice) it just doesn't feel right. the first time was quick and i'm 100% sure that he never orgasmed even though he said he did; the second time he just stopped and didn't say anything about it just started to finger me. it's made me extremely insecure and upset, i don't know what to do about it or why he's like this? it's made me regret ever having sex with him. i've never experienced this with a partner and it's left me confused and hurt.

3 replies

Kate McCombs, MPH | Mar 19, 2017 at 5:55 PM | Reply | Report

I can see why you're confused. Have you talked to him about what's going on with him?

It's important to know that not everyone likes having penis-in-vagina sex and that even if they like it, they don't always want it all the time.

There are a number of things that could be going on with your boyfriend. He could be worried about getting you pregnant. He could be nervous about his performance. He could be on the asexual spectrum. He could be anxious about something work or school related that has nothing to do with you, but affects his ability to enjoy getting stimulation. There is no way to know without asking.

I'd encourage you to not take it personally, especially since it sounds like he's quite into you. He compliments you and seems very into pleasuring you.

This is one of those situations where kind, open communication is the best approach forward.

hirop | Mar 21, 2017 at 6:08 AM | Reply | Report

He probably doesn't dislike sex, he probably has the exact same anxiety you do - he's nervous, unsure etc, and he senses that you're the same way, which exacerbates the problem.

My advice would be to get him to talk about sex in an absolutely zero pressure environment. Make it completely clear that you will not judge him for what he wants and that you are very happy to explore his fantasies (with agreed boundaries of course). Try to find out what he likes, and then do it for him.

CE | Mar 21, 2017 at 5:19 PM | Reply | Report

It sounds like he has his insecurities. Talking to him will likely be the best solution to this issue.

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