The Doctor is In!

First time disappointing sex new partner

By Just Me on Mar 26, 2017 at 11:38 AM

I'm in my 40's he's in his late 30's. So experience on both sides. We had sex for the first time last night. It was ok but it wasn't great. He didn't make sure that I orgasmed (disappointing). When he came he was done walked away cleaned up and then got dressed. I'm usually an approach things head on type of person. I didn't say anything at the time because I was just like hmmm. Question is should I just tell him what I expect and that I was disappointing or should I just give it a second go and hope that it's better. I know first times aren't always great. It's not like he doesn't know what I like we've talked about what we both like extensively through text so that's not the problem in general. I'm used to being able to orgasm multiple times every time. Would love to hear from both men and women on this. I'm a communicator so it feels right to say something but I don't want to totally crush his ego. I know he enjoyed it.

5 replies

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Kate McCombs, MPH | Mar 26, 2017 at 7:42 PM | Reply | Report

It sounds like he's just not a very considerate lover. You clearly articulated beforehand what your needs and wants were. You know your body well. He just didn't take the time to make sure your needs were met in proportion to his.

You're right that first times can be suboptimal, but it seems like he's not making much of an effort. Unless you think he'd make a significantly different effort next time, it's worth evaluating how much you'd really get out of it.

CE | Mar 27, 2017 at 12:03 PM | Reply | Report

It could have been the awkwardness of the first time, but from what you describe, he sounds selfish. If you want to give him another chance, be specific in what you want. If you don't get it, let him go.

Sahana | Mar 30, 2017 at 6:17 AM | Reply | Report

During the your next session, slowly let him know about first time experience.. See if takes an effort in satisfying you this time. If not, you need to consider.. You both are not new sex I believe.. So yes, don't let your happiness sink in you.. Speak out!. Ba Happy

Kevin | Apr 22, 2017 at 4:53 PM | Reply | Report

You should be straightforward with him. Tell him that when you have sex, you expect to orgasm. That will get him thinking. He sounds selfish.

JetGuy45 | Apr 25, 2017 at 3:07 PM | Reply | Report

Maybe he is indeed selfish, or not a very considerate lover.

OR .. perhaps, maybe, just maybe, he was simply unaware that you didn't have an orgasm.

Just because he might be a poor lover doesn't mean he is inconsiderate or selfish. You said yourself that he enjoyed the experience. In the heat of the moment, he may well have thought that he satisfied you as well.

Kindness, humility, and understanding are the foundations of any relationship. So before you accuse him of any 'wrong-doing' or attaching a 'label' to him, I suggest giving him the benefit of the doubt.

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