The Doctor is In!

Oral Sex Issue

By DearHenry on Mar 25, 2017 at 10:49 AM

How common is it to not be able to reach climax with oral sex? My lady and I both enjoy oral sex and she is very good at it. However, I cannot climax. I'm worried that I might have some kind of mental block. Also, I'm worried that she will get discouraged and not want to participate.

3 replies

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Kate McCombs, MPH | Mar 26, 2017 at 7:37 PM | Reply | Report

I don't have a specific statistic for you, but it is not uncommon for men to enjoy oral sex, but not ejaculate from it - even when their partners are highly skilled at it.

I would start by reassuring her that your enjoyment of oral sex (and sex in general) is about much more than ejaculation. This can be a big shift for people but it's SO important. Orgasms are awesome, but there is a lot more to sex than just that.

Give her a lot of praise about her skill. Explain that this is a quirk of how your body works. If you're concerned about her losing confidence, that should help.

As for your potential mental block, do you feel like your thoughts are getting in the way when you get close? What's different about oral sex compared to other types of sex for you? That might be something to examine. It could also just be the the way it is for your body and it's just something to work with.

DearHenry | May 1, 2017 at 12:12 PM | Reply | Report

I've spent considerable time evaluating your question ("...thoughts getting in the way...") and I can honestly answer, "no".
There never seem to be any adverse or distracting thoughts going through my head. Indeed, my thoughts are totally concentrated on what we're doing.
Irregardless, I can never reach a climax and always have to finish "by hand". This is not necessarily bad because she loves to watch and it gets her even hotter.
Still, she tells me all the time how much she'd love to have me cum in her mouth.
I'd love to know if there are any exercises a person could do to help.
Do you think that me watching a porn video while she sucks on me would help matters or hinder?

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Kate McCombs, MPH | May 2, 2017 at 4:25 PM | Reply | Report

Watching porn is certainly something you could try if she'd also be into that. That might help if it's an arousal issue. If it's a physical sensation issue, that's unlikely to make much of a difference. But if it'd be sexy to you both, by all means try it.

I'm not familiar with any exercises to help. A sex therapist might have more insight there. (You can find one here if that interests you: https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory)

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