The Doctor is In!

I've never received oral sex. Maybe some advice?

By NeedHelpThrowAway on Apr 23, 2017 at 12:17 PM

This is going to seem extremely petty. I've been with my wife 17 years. I give her oral sex enthusiastically very nearly every time we have sex. Over the years I hoped my love of giving would inspire her to try giving me oral sex, but it hasn't. A few years ago I asked directly. She didn't refuse, but she also never made an attempt. I let another year go by and then asked if it was something she never intended to do. She got very defensive, so I haven't brought it up again. I know it shouldn't be a deal breaker, but I've wanted to experience it for so long that I think it's grown into some kind of deep sexual desire for me. I really want to know what it's like to feel desired that way. It makes me feel unappealing to know my wife won't give me oral sex. I've supplemented my sexual curiosity by discovering new ways to please my wife, adding toys, creating fantasies, etc., but I still can't stop thinking about getting a blowjob. What can I do?

1 reply

Kate McCombs, MPH | Apr 25, 2017 at 9:39 AM | Reply | Report

The fact that it took you 15 years to ask for oral sex from your wife suggests that the sexual communication in your relationship could use some upgrading. I'm glad you finally got the courage to ask and I'm sorry to hear it didn't go well. Sometimes when requests like these get built up over a long period of time, they can come out seeped in a lot of resentment. Do you think that might have happened? That could explain her defensiveness.

There could be a number of reasons why she hasn't given you oral sex. She may not be interested in it. She may not feel confident doing so. She may have had a past relationship where giving oral sex was a traumatizing experience for her. It's not something you can make her do. The only way to understand her perspective is to talk about it with kindness. It's a reasonable thing for you to want, but she may also have reasonable motivations for not giving it.

Add a Reply