The Doctor is In!

losing interest

By justme on Apr 19, 2017 at 3:45 AM

i am 44, female, have always loved sex - EXCEPT since about the age of 19 find i dont orgasm easily (or at all) with others. i still enjoy the pleasure and closeness but can't climax unless i am doing it for myself. i was only able to easily climax with my first lover at age 15. i tend to fake it - which i know is stupid - but my partners need that affirmation and generally i really cant manage the real deal with them. i often start to feel disconnected from the whole process after foreplay is over - as i know there is no hope for me. and yet i still gain pleasure so its never been a big issue. i still want sex - and fairly often - in a relationship - but more as a bonding thing.
i am now with a long-term partner with his own sexual issues - a very limited repertoire and delayed ejaculation + not very sexual at all.
i have reached a point where i feel between the 2 of us things are so complex that i am losing interest in sex completely.
how do i start repairing this mess?

2 replies

Kate McCombs, MPH | Apr 19, 2017 at 7:34 AM | Reply | Report

I'd highly recommend seeking some therapy from a qualified sex therapist. They could help you and your partner unpack the layers of what's going on with your respective sexual challenges and help you communicate/rebuild trust.

You can find one near you here:

If that's too intimidating right now, I'd start by reading some high quality books about sexuality. That can help you gain some confidence for having the potentially vulnerable conversations that are necessary to move forward with your partner. It's helpful to have more language and knowledge, which good books can provide. I'd recommend Emily Nagoski's "Come As You Are" with regard to orgasm challenges.

justme | Apr 19, 2017 at 7:57 AM | Reply | Report

Thank you

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