The Doctor is In!

trouble reaching orgasm

By Anon on Apr 10, 2017 at 1:21 AM

When I was maybe 9 years old, I found my mother's back massager. It had a very strong vibration setting. Before I even knew what a clitoris was, I was sneaking off with it and using it on my clit for extended amounts of time. I continued to use this massager as a vibrator for years, up into my teens. I would finger myself as I used it, and eventually began to experience what I consider to be an orgasm. I'm 21 now and when I have sex with my boyfriend, or when he performs oral or fingering, I really enjoy everything, but never come close to the sensation I get when I use the vibrator. Fingering myself without the vibrator is never enough, either. I'm worried that's the only way I can orgasm, because its what I used when I began to explore my body. I've tried to stop using the vibrator when I masturbate and only use my fingers to stimulate my clitoris and vagina, but I always end up using the vibrator to finish. Am I addicted to the vibrator? Is it possible for me to orgasm without it?

4 replies

Kate McCombs, MPH | Apr 10, 2017 at 8:18 AM | Reply | Report

I wouldn't say you're "addicted" (vibrators are not heroin or alcohol) - I would say you're "accustomed." Vibrators are highly efficient tools for producing orgasms. You've gotten used to using an efficient tool for creating a desired outcome and human brains like efficiency. It's hard for them to get used to less efficient tools. It's like if you used a food processor to chop vegetables for years and then were trying to go back to chopping by hand. It works, but it can take more time and getting used to.

It is possible to wean yourself off a vibrator, but I'd encourage you to examine why you think it's undesirable to use it. Many, many people incorporate vibrators into their partnered sex lives. They use vibrators during penis-in-vagina sex, or have their partners pleasure them with vibrators. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the other activities and needing the vibe to finish.

CE | Apr 10, 2017 at 7:30 PM | Reply | Report

I fell into the accustomed category for years. I figured why try anything else if that was a sure thing? When I tried to have an orgasm via other means, nothing worked. Determined to be able to orgasm other ways, I practiced over and over. It took time, but eventually I was able to. It's still harder for me with a tongue or fingers, but in those cases, the vibrator is always close by. My husband loves using the vibrator on me and loves watching when I use it on myself. Have you talked to your boyfriend about either of these? It's really erotic.

Anon | Apr 10, 2017 at 10:48 PM | Reply | Report

I guess its just that now that I'm older, I realized my entire developmental period revolved around a vibrator, and I never really learned how to climax on my own. I'm familiar with the statistics and likelihood of women having vaginal or clitoral orgasms, and I know for a lot of women any orgasm at all is hard to reach. But now I wonder if I've destined myself to be dependent on the vibrator, and I'm unfamiliar with my own body. Its not that I'm ashamed of the vibrator, I'm ashamed that I never gave myself a chance to pleasure myself naturally--as silly as that sounds. I guess I just wonder if "once you go vibrator, you never go back."

CE | Apr 12, 2017 at 5:26 PM | Reply | Report

You have nothing to be ashamed about. It's never too late to learn!

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