Orally Pleasuring a Man
Orally Pleasuring a Man

Emily NagoskiAuthor Emily Nagoski has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior, with a concentration in Human Sexuality from Indiana University, and a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology also from IU, including a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic.

Orally Pleasuring a Man: 3 Things the Best Fellators Know by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.
Price: $4.99, Pages: 107, with illustrations

3 Things the Best Fellators Know

  1. Fellatio is fun! The best fellatio happens when the fellator really, truly loves what she’s doing and really, truly enjoys the effect it has on the “fellatee.” If you aren’t enjoying yourself... well, imagine how you’d feel if your partners went down on you but clearly wasn’t very glad to be there. Ew. Now imagine if he went down on you and clearly loved being there. Yeah. The best blowjobs are done with pleasure. If you’re not enjoying yourself, you’re not doing it right.
  2. Fellatio is noisy and messy. The sights, sounds and feel of a blowjob are undignified, silly, funny, and weird, as well as sexy, hot, and hugely arousing. Fellatio is a celebration of a relationship so trusting and open that you’re ready to put another person’s genitals in your mouth. Don’t be shy — use your imagination, your knowledge, and, when necessary, several towels to make the experience as positive as it can be.
  3. The fellator is the one in control. You have in your hands and mouth the most sensitive part of a man’s body. Believe me when I tell you: he is at your mercy. The best fellators know that they’re in charge and they wield their power with aplomb.


Getting Past Your Discomfort About Going Down

But suppose your partner wants you to, and you want to give your partner pleasure. You don’t love fellatio, but you want to learn to love it? Some tips:

  • Skip the question, “Why?” Instead, ask yourself, “What is it about fellatio that I don’t love?” Many of the things you think of are discussed in the “Ups and Downs of Going Down*” section— have a browse there.
  • You might also just hesitate at the thought of putting someone’s genitals in your mouth. Mostly genitals are like any other body part, and if you feel comfortable kissing his lips or his shoulders or his belly, you can feel comfortable kissing his genitals. Worried about hygiene? Take a shower together!
  • Dispel the mystery with a sex-free grope. Sometimes women can feel baffled by men’s genitalia, and demystifying the whole thing can help you feel at home down there. Really, there is nothing to be afraid of. Guys will frown to read this, but when you get down to it, men’s genitals are pretty silly; even the hottest of hard-bodied men still has this undignified tangle of soft dangly bits between his legs. So get your guy to lie back some rainy Saturday and go exploring — with your hand, your eyes, your mouth, your elbows, whatever you feel comfortable trying. Hell, bring a magnifying glass if you want! Explore his other parts too, see how the genitals compare.
  • Experiment cautiously. Try a few of the tips and techniques you’ll find here that you’re curious about. If they work out, awesome! If not, that’s cool too. Remember, there’s no obligation, and the fact that you’re looking for ways to love fellatio is great in itself!
  • Don’t do it just because he wants it. The Martyr Blowjob, I call it. If you’re doing it for him even though you don’t like it, it’s like when he agrees to watch the sappy chick flick with you — it’s nice that he made the effort, but his boredom and eye rolling make you wish he’d just go upstairs and watch sports and leave you alone. Dig? I have never yet heard of a guy who really loved the blowjob he got from a woman who did it just because he wanted it. Do what you love, and he’ll love what you do.